My eBay Caravan Listing
Sprite Musketeer 14’ Caravan
99p Start – No Reserve!
This is your chance to bid for our 14’ Sprite Musketeer caravan.
This must be the cheapest caravan on eBay!
Given up on an expensive holiday this year? Well now is your chance to bag a bargain.
Forget expensive UK hotels and the hike in air fares with the rising oil prices.
With this little beauty you can just hook up to the car and go, the world becomes your oyster.
Comes complete with a genuine Caravan Club sticker, giving you a good chance of getting privileged treatment and blagging access to those sought after sites.
No need to spend thousands and no need for expensive insurance, as it’s not worth anything. Plus we have never needed to lock it, as no-ones ever going to steal it.
Problems with car thieves? Hitch lock this little baby to the tow ball of your Porsche Cayenne and never bother taking the keys out of the ignition again, safe in the knowledge it is never going to be stolen. There are just so many plusses when you think about it.
In these hard economic times it is a rare opportunity where you can treat yourself to a luxury item with zero depreciation.So this is truly an asset you can buy with your head as well as your heart. Imagine the look of astonishment when fellow caravaners see you turn up on sites with your 99p bargain.
How about an unforgettable surprise treat for your loved one; imagine the look on your kids faces when you tell them it’s yours. The neighbours will be speechless seeing this little gem parked on your drive.
It is an original single glazed version, finished in two tone brown with cream blotches, with just a touch of quite fetching green mildew. This vintage is very rare these days, and is sure to soon become a collector’s item.
Imagine this behind your ‘70’s coke bottle Cortina; people will really think you must be from Mars.
Having had its interior removed, it provides multi-use opportunities. The interior is fitted with dexion supported shelving, and had a fresh coat of white emulsion just 7 years ago. The floor is mostly covered in the original linoleum, although there is some age related cracking evident. There is a rusty roof ventilator, and two windows are fitted with very stylish 70’s pattern orange and
yellow flowered curtains.
The tyres are sound, and it still has its original gas rack and 12V towing electrics lead. It has been fitted with an aftermarket door security bolt, and comes complete with the essential wheel brace. The legs are all in good working order. The interior is fitted with 3 double and 1 single socket, and a fluorescent light, together with a 13A extension lead for instant electric hook-up.
This provides many opportunities for the new owner, and with a starting price of just 99p, with NO RESERVE is not to be missed. Having had its heavy interior removed it can easily be towed by the smallest car. Got a Smart car? Get a smart caravan.
However, should you want to add some luxuries such as a bed or cooker, you are starting with a blank sheet, and can design
your own layout.
I do need to mention some minor blemishes:
The offside chrome wheel trim is missing.
The nearside rear indicator is missing.
There are currently 2 slugs in occupation in the offside rear corner, but I can remove these prior to collection if required.
I must admit we never actually had time to use it for its intended purpose. However, it did sterling service for a number
of years as an egg grading room for our free range hens, and latterly has proved invaluable as dry storage for all those things you hang on to but never actually use. I shall be sad to see it go, but my partner thinks it unsightly (she has never experienced the joys of caravanning!).
If you want any more information, please E mail. Please view if you don’t believe the pictures, I am on the Norfolk / Suffolk border, just S/E of Norwich.
This is a private sale of an old caravan, but from past experience I must document the conditions of sale:
Bids accepted from anybody.
The winning bidder must buy the item.
PayPal payment required before you change your mind.
Collection within 7 days please.
Happy bidding!
Question & Answer
Q: Hi Phil, it's me again...... I have to tell you that I'm diconcerted at the amount of competition I'm potentially up against in winning this lovely caravan. I've quite set my heart on having it for my partner, whose caravanning experiences were altogether more sophisticated than these on offer.
Thought he'd really appreciate the opportunity to get back to basics, and also feel pride in towing such an outstanding van behind the Golf. Also, his neighbour, Hyacinth, might feel that this van had a certain antique appeal on the driveway, as the other one was obviously too new and maybe a little vulgar.
If I get outbid at the last moment, do you have another one you could list- or could you get one for me?
Yours in anticipation.......
23-Aug-08
A: Sorry to hear about your condition, maybe some Andrews might help?
Must admit I am surprised at the amount of interest, with 60 watchers there is sure to be a flurry of bids at the end, with many disappointed bidders.
There is obviously a tide of renaissance rejecting the unnecessary luxuries of modern caravans. It would certainly be a bold statement of avant-gardism to have this van parked in your drive, demonstrating a rejection of modern values, and a
determination to be in the vanguard of this new wave.
I am afraid this is the only caravan I have in this unique condition, and it would indeed be a quest to find another.
Best you stick a high auto bid on and hope for the best.
Good luck…
Q: Any chance this could be used as a honeymoon suite and would it tow to San Tropez okay, does it have a shower and portaloo, could you dress it up with some ribbons for the big day as I want to surprise her by arriving at Westminster Cathedral with and in this luxury holiday home, i think it would be the ultimate surprise and gift, thanks Charles
23-Aug-08
A: It is nice to know there are just so many romantics out there, so many men who know how to spoil a woman. San Tropez will be wonderful, (but you would have to make sure the slugs stayed damp), and the Sprite will just blend right in. A shower and toilet could be easily added; although no ribbons, I could deck it out in a baler twine bow no problem.
It will be a great start to married life, and sure to take her breath away.
Q: do you know if the slugs have done much deep frying cooking in the musketeer as this can really ruin the ceiling finish, i see theres some slight greenage inside, possibly a sluglet with some crayons mucking around there? well im sure it'll come off, is that other wheel cap defo gone for good?
thanks.
22-Aug-08
A: I am pretty sure they are vegans, although they do have a fondness for chip butties. Never actually seen them cooking though, they are more into recycling waste and fresh greens. They certainly don’t like salt. I think the greenage is just something the slugs ate. Either that, or the little sods have been playing with the egg stamp again.
Yeah, it’s a shame about the wheel cap, it sort of spoils it a bit. Mind you, the one with the van will fit both sides
(but obviously not at the same time).
Q: Hi Phil, I love the van, but would not be able to collect if I were lucky enough to win it. Could you tell me what the postage costs to Lincolnshire would be. I'm hoping to win it as a present for my partner. It will set off his new shiny metallic Golf Gti perfectly.
22-Aug-08
A: I will have to check with the Post Office, I shouldn’t think there will be a problem; they are pretty good round here. Not sure I have got enough brown paper though. However, if you wanted it gift wrapped, that would be extra.
Failing that, I could pop it on a trawler out of Lowestoft; I know they do C.O.D. parcels.
The Golf will make an excellent tow car, you will just need to locate a replacement wheel trim to finish off the outfit.
Good luck!
Q: Hi Phil We are caravan virgins and are looking to have the true caravanning experience. Im pleased to see such a blank canvas as so many caravans are full of tasteless dralon. We are also on the norfolk/suffolk border and are getting married next year and wondered if it would make the perfect honeymoon love shack??
p.s are slug pellets included??
22-Aug-08
A: It would be ideal. Perhaps your local camping shop could host a wedding present list for you? It would be an ideal way to equip your new home.
You could save on the wedding cars as well; it would certainly be something for the bride to arrive at the church in style. Then afterwards you could take all the drunken wedding guests home in it, saving on the minibus.
Then you could both drive off into the sunset, taking your new home with you, to the gentle clatter of baked bean cans dangling from the rear stabilisers.
Then, later on when you get divorced, you could give the matrimonial home to your spouse, and not worry about the cost.
I must admit to being a little concerned about your views on slugs though………..
Q: Does this supurb item have any brakes or would the wife hanging out the back window with a boat anchor be suitable?
22-Aug-08
A: It does have brakes, but not sure how good they might be.
The back window does open fully, so it would facilitate your wife throwing a boat anchor out to help slow it down a bit. Would suggest you tie a rope between the van and the boat anchor though, for maximum effect.
It all depends if you already have a boat anchor or not? The easier option is to tie the rope to the wife and just
get her to jump out when you want to slow down.
Q: Had the Caravn had smokers or dogs in it?
22-Aug-08
A: Just checked and none in there at the moment, although I have lost track of the slugs.
We did have a few chickens in it at one point, but pretty sure they didn’t smoke.
Q: hi just slit with the wife & said i have to find her a place to live in the country would the blend in and would she be ok with our 12 children in it thank's
21-Aug-08
A: Sure she would be fine, just a matter of building some custom bunk beds, six high should do it. With that amount of people shouldn't need any heating. Just a matter of finding a quiet layby somewhere to site it. Would certainly be low maintenance (payments).
Q: Hello! just paid off my 1993 LandRover Discovery. It's for humanitary help in South India that I bought it AND my future wife is indian. I will come to the UK half September to haul the car. Would be great hooking your caravan on at ones! Can we agree upon a (low?) price? It would be your share in our help program! thank you!
Wouter Joseph Smekens
21-Aug-08
A: Hi Woulter, My caravan will make a great transcontinental tourer, a good choice. I agree it will only fetch a low price, and look forward to your bid. However, immediate payment required in GB pounds at auction end. Money orders, your cousins lottery cheque, bearer bonds, livestock and monopoly money are not accepted.
Good luck, Phil
Q: Hi. Ya wanna swap it fer a Dag? Its fer me ma ya see.
21-Aug-08
A: While I am sure your mother would find the commodious accommodation offered by the caravan eminently suitable for her needs, I must admit, after some investigation, that I am still unaware of the meaning of the term ‘Dag’.
Assuming it is a colloquial expression for a similar word; we already have a dog and have no need of a Jag.
I would think the best way to acquire this fine caravan would be to sell the ‘dag’ and use the funds to place a bid.
May I wish you every success, and just say how nice it is to come across someone demonstrating such a caring attitude towards their mother.
Q: Hiya Is there any damp that you know of? You mention the mildew in the advert, is there any extra charge for this and do the curtains come in the price?
Thanks John
19-Aug-08
A: Hi John, The interior is surprisingly dry, and not had any problems with damp with items stored there. No leaks & floor seems sound. Some walls show some marks, but all is totally dry to the touch. Even the slugs have slithered off somewhere else, although I will try and locate them as they were mentioned in the description.
The mildew is included in the sale, and is on the outside from where it was parked under trees. Curtains are also included,
complete with the rusty curtain runners, but are not in prestine condition.
You will just need a car, numberplate, wife, kids, sleeping bags & buckets & spades, and you could be relaxing on a site by the sea within the hour.
Q: does it come with 12 months warranty
18-Aug-08
A: Yes it did, but that was in 1974, and sadly it expired in 1975. I can guarantee the winning bidder will get it out of my gate ok, but after that you are on your own.
Q: can we wash it before we tow it
18-Aug-08
A: You can if you want but you will have to be careful not to spoil its original patina and rustic charm.
If it hits £5 I will throw in the water, but you will have to bring your own Turtle Wax.
99p Start – No Reserve!
This is your chance to bid for our 14’ Sprite Musketeer caravan.
This must be the cheapest caravan on eBay!
Given up on an expensive holiday this year? Well now is your chance to bag a bargain.
Forget expensive UK hotels and the hike in air fares with the rising oil prices.
With this little beauty you can just hook up to the car and go, the world becomes your oyster.
Comes complete with a genuine Caravan Club sticker, giving you a good chance of getting privileged treatment and blagging access to those sought after sites.
No need to spend thousands and no need for expensive insurance, as it’s not worth anything. Plus we have never needed to lock it, as no-ones ever going to steal it.
Problems with car thieves? Hitch lock this little baby to the tow ball of your Porsche Cayenne and never bother taking the keys out of the ignition again, safe in the knowledge it is never going to be stolen. There are just so many plusses when you think about it.
In these hard economic times it is a rare opportunity where you can treat yourself to a luxury item with zero depreciation.So this is truly an asset you can buy with your head as well as your heart. Imagine the look of astonishment when fellow caravaners see you turn up on sites with your 99p bargain.
How about an unforgettable surprise treat for your loved one; imagine the look on your kids faces when you tell them it’s yours. The neighbours will be speechless seeing this little gem parked on your drive.
It is an original single glazed version, finished in two tone brown with cream blotches, with just a touch of quite fetching green mildew. This vintage is very rare these days, and is sure to soon become a collector’s item.
Imagine this behind your ‘70’s coke bottle Cortina; people will really think you must be from Mars.
Having had its interior removed, it provides multi-use opportunities. The interior is fitted with dexion supported shelving, and had a fresh coat of white emulsion just 7 years ago. The floor is mostly covered in the original linoleum, although there is some age related cracking evident. There is a rusty roof ventilator, and two windows are fitted with very stylish 70’s pattern orange and
yellow flowered curtains.
The tyres are sound, and it still has its original gas rack and 12V towing electrics lead. It has been fitted with an aftermarket door security bolt, and comes complete with the essential wheel brace. The legs are all in good working order. The interior is fitted with 3 double and 1 single socket, and a fluorescent light, together with a 13A extension lead for instant electric hook-up.
This provides many opportunities for the new owner, and with a starting price of just 99p, with NO RESERVE is not to be missed. Having had its heavy interior removed it can easily be towed by the smallest car. Got a Smart car? Get a smart caravan.
However, should you want to add some luxuries such as a bed or cooker, you are starting with a blank sheet, and can design
your own layout.
I do need to mention some minor blemishes:
The offside chrome wheel trim is missing.
The nearside rear indicator is missing.
There are currently 2 slugs in occupation in the offside rear corner, but I can remove these prior to collection if required.
I must admit we never actually had time to use it for its intended purpose. However, it did sterling service for a number
of years as an egg grading room for our free range hens, and latterly has proved invaluable as dry storage for all those things you hang on to but never actually use. I shall be sad to see it go, but my partner thinks it unsightly (she has never experienced the joys of caravanning!).
If you want any more information, please E mail. Please view if you don’t believe the pictures, I am on the Norfolk / Suffolk border, just S/E of Norwich.
This is a private sale of an old caravan, but from past experience I must document the conditions of sale:
Bids accepted from anybody.
The winning bidder must buy the item.
PayPal payment required before you change your mind.
Collection within 7 days please.
Happy bidding!
Question & Answer
Q: Hi Phil, it's me again...... I have to tell you that I'm diconcerted at the amount of competition I'm potentially up against in winning this lovely caravan. I've quite set my heart on having it for my partner, whose caravanning experiences were altogether more sophisticated than these on offer.
Thought he'd really appreciate the opportunity to get back to basics, and also feel pride in towing such an outstanding van behind the Golf. Also, his neighbour, Hyacinth, might feel that this van had a certain antique appeal on the driveway, as the other one was obviously too new and maybe a little vulgar.
If I get outbid at the last moment, do you have another one you could list- or could you get one for me?
Yours in anticipation.......
23-Aug-08
A: Sorry to hear about your condition, maybe some Andrews might help?
Must admit I am surprised at the amount of interest, with 60 watchers there is sure to be a flurry of bids at the end, with many disappointed bidders.
There is obviously a tide of renaissance rejecting the unnecessary luxuries of modern caravans. It would certainly be a bold statement of avant-gardism to have this van parked in your drive, demonstrating a rejection of modern values, and a
determination to be in the vanguard of this new wave.
I am afraid this is the only caravan I have in this unique condition, and it would indeed be a quest to find another.
Best you stick a high auto bid on and hope for the best.
Good luck…
Q: Any chance this could be used as a honeymoon suite and would it tow to San Tropez okay, does it have a shower and portaloo, could you dress it up with some ribbons for the big day as I want to surprise her by arriving at Westminster Cathedral with and in this luxury holiday home, i think it would be the ultimate surprise and gift, thanks Charles
23-Aug-08
A: It is nice to know there are just so many romantics out there, so many men who know how to spoil a woman. San Tropez will be wonderful, (but you would have to make sure the slugs stayed damp), and the Sprite will just blend right in. A shower and toilet could be easily added; although no ribbons, I could deck it out in a baler twine bow no problem.
It will be a great start to married life, and sure to take her breath away.
Q: do you know if the slugs have done much deep frying cooking in the musketeer as this can really ruin the ceiling finish, i see theres some slight greenage inside, possibly a sluglet with some crayons mucking around there? well im sure it'll come off, is that other wheel cap defo gone for good?
thanks.
22-Aug-08
A: I am pretty sure they are vegans, although they do have a fondness for chip butties. Never actually seen them cooking though, they are more into recycling waste and fresh greens. They certainly don’t like salt. I think the greenage is just something the slugs ate. Either that, or the little sods have been playing with the egg stamp again.
Yeah, it’s a shame about the wheel cap, it sort of spoils it a bit. Mind you, the one with the van will fit both sides
(but obviously not at the same time).
Q: Hi Phil, I love the van, but would not be able to collect if I were lucky enough to win it. Could you tell me what the postage costs to Lincolnshire would be. I'm hoping to win it as a present for my partner. It will set off his new shiny metallic Golf Gti perfectly.
22-Aug-08
A: I will have to check with the Post Office, I shouldn’t think there will be a problem; they are pretty good round here. Not sure I have got enough brown paper though. However, if you wanted it gift wrapped, that would be extra.
Failing that, I could pop it on a trawler out of Lowestoft; I know they do C.O.D. parcels.
The Golf will make an excellent tow car, you will just need to locate a replacement wheel trim to finish off the outfit.
Good luck!
Q: Hi Phil We are caravan virgins and are looking to have the true caravanning experience. Im pleased to see such a blank canvas as so many caravans are full of tasteless dralon. We are also on the norfolk/suffolk border and are getting married next year and wondered if it would make the perfect honeymoon love shack??
p.s are slug pellets included??
22-Aug-08
A: It would be ideal. Perhaps your local camping shop could host a wedding present list for you? It would be an ideal way to equip your new home.
You could save on the wedding cars as well; it would certainly be something for the bride to arrive at the church in style. Then afterwards you could take all the drunken wedding guests home in it, saving on the minibus.
Then you could both drive off into the sunset, taking your new home with you, to the gentle clatter of baked bean cans dangling from the rear stabilisers.
Then, later on when you get divorced, you could give the matrimonial home to your spouse, and not worry about the cost.
I must admit to being a little concerned about your views on slugs though………..
Q: Does this supurb item have any brakes or would the wife hanging out the back window with a boat anchor be suitable?
22-Aug-08
A: It does have brakes, but not sure how good they might be.
The back window does open fully, so it would facilitate your wife throwing a boat anchor out to help slow it down a bit. Would suggest you tie a rope between the van and the boat anchor though, for maximum effect.
It all depends if you already have a boat anchor or not? The easier option is to tie the rope to the wife and just
get her to jump out when you want to slow down.
Q: Had the Caravn had smokers or dogs in it?
22-Aug-08
A: Just checked and none in there at the moment, although I have lost track of the slugs.
We did have a few chickens in it at one point, but pretty sure they didn’t smoke.
Q: hi just slit with the wife & said i have to find her a place to live in the country would the blend in and would she be ok with our 12 children in it thank's
21-Aug-08
A: Sure she would be fine, just a matter of building some custom bunk beds, six high should do it. With that amount of people shouldn't need any heating. Just a matter of finding a quiet layby somewhere to site it. Would certainly be low maintenance (payments).
Q: Hello! just paid off my 1993 LandRover Discovery. It's for humanitary help in South India that I bought it AND my future wife is indian. I will come to the UK half September to haul the car. Would be great hooking your caravan on at ones! Can we agree upon a (low?) price? It would be your share in our help program! thank you!
Wouter Joseph Smekens
21-Aug-08
A: Hi Woulter, My caravan will make a great transcontinental tourer, a good choice. I agree it will only fetch a low price, and look forward to your bid. However, immediate payment required in GB pounds at auction end. Money orders, your cousins lottery cheque, bearer bonds, livestock and monopoly money are not accepted.
Good luck, Phil
Q: Hi. Ya wanna swap it fer a Dag? Its fer me ma ya see.
21-Aug-08
A: While I am sure your mother would find the commodious accommodation offered by the caravan eminently suitable for her needs, I must admit, after some investigation, that I am still unaware of the meaning of the term ‘Dag’.
Assuming it is a colloquial expression for a similar word; we already have a dog and have no need of a Jag.
I would think the best way to acquire this fine caravan would be to sell the ‘dag’ and use the funds to place a bid.
May I wish you every success, and just say how nice it is to come across someone demonstrating such a caring attitude towards their mother.
Q: Hiya Is there any damp that you know of? You mention the mildew in the advert, is there any extra charge for this and do the curtains come in the price?
Thanks John
19-Aug-08
A: Hi John, The interior is surprisingly dry, and not had any problems with damp with items stored there. No leaks & floor seems sound. Some walls show some marks, but all is totally dry to the touch. Even the slugs have slithered off somewhere else, although I will try and locate them as they were mentioned in the description.
The mildew is included in the sale, and is on the outside from where it was parked under trees. Curtains are also included,
complete with the rusty curtain runners, but are not in prestine condition.
You will just need a car, numberplate, wife, kids, sleeping bags & buckets & spades, and you could be relaxing on a site by the sea within the hour.
Q: does it come with 12 months warranty
18-Aug-08
A: Yes it did, but that was in 1974, and sadly it expired in 1975. I can guarantee the winning bidder will get it out of my gate ok, but after that you are on your own.
Q: can we wash it before we tow it
18-Aug-08
A: You can if you want but you will have to be careful not to spoil its original patina and rustic charm.
If it hits £5 I will throw in the water, but you will have to bring your own Turtle Wax.
And here we have a Sprite Major Caravan
Page views: 1313
Duration: 7 days
Start time: 20 Mar, 2011 17:03:23 GMT
Start price: £0.99
Sprite Major 16' Caravan - 99p start - No
Reserve!
Ended: 27 Mar, 2011 18:03:23 BST
Winning bid: £77.00
Item location: Beccles, Suffolk, United Kingdom
Returns: No returns accepted
Item specifics - RVs & Campers
Condition: Used:
Type: Touring Caravan
Make: Sprite Model: Major Axles: 1
This is your chance to bid for our 16’ Sprite Major caravan. Following on from the successful sale of our Sprite Musketeer a couple of years ago, now our other caravan is up for grabs.
This must be the cheapest caravan on eBay!
Given up on an expensive holiday this year?
Hit hard by the recession?
Well now is your chance to bag a bargain.
Forget expensive UK hotels and the hike in air fares with the rising oil prices. With this little beauty you can just hook up to the car and go, the world becomes your oyster.
No need to spend thousands and no need for expensive insurance, as it’s not worth anything. Plus we have never needed to lock it,
as no-ones ever going to steal it.
Problems with car thieves? Hitch lock this little baby to the tow ball of your Porsche Cayenne and never bother taking the keys out of the ignition again, safe in the knowledge it is never going to be stolen.
There are just so many plusses when you think about it.
In these hard economic times it is a rare opportunity where you can treat yourself to a luxury item with zero depreciation. So this is truly an asset you can buy with your head as well as your heart.
Imagine the look of astonishment when fellow caravaners see you turn up on sites with your 99p bargain.
How about an unforgettable surprise treat for your loved one; imagine the look on your kids faces when you tell them it’s yours.
The neighbours will be speechless seeing this little gem parked on your drive.
It is an original single glazed version, but the later model without the troublesome front roof vent.
Finished in brown, white and faded light green, with just a touch of quite fetching green mildew.
This vintage is very rare these days, and is sure to soon become a collector’s item.
Imagine this behind your 80’s Ford Granada, a real yuppie statement.
Having had its interior removed, it provides multi-use opportunities, and is fitted with a middle partition.
The floor is mostly covered in the original brown linoleum, although there is some age related cracking evident.
There is a roof ventilator, and very trendy these days is the privacy film on the rear window.
Of special mention is a very attractive tiled splash back behind where the sink used to be.
The tyres stay inflated and only have age related perishing to the sidewalls, but sadly the gas rack and 12V towing electrics
lead fell off a few years ago.
Most lights are still fitted though, so only a five minute job to get them going again. A special security feature is the detached jockey wheel handle. The handbrake is suffering some rust, but I will include the brick we use as a wheel chock in the
sale. Some surface rust on the chassis, but seems basically sound.
Interior is dry, although not without some signs of past damp. The all important awning rail is fitted, and it has the added bonus of still having both original Sprite hubcaps.
This provides many opportunities for the new owner, and with a starting price of just 99p, with NO RESERVE is not to be missed. Having had its heavy interior removed it can easily be towed by the smallest car. Got a Smart car? Get a smart caravan.
However, should you want to add some luxuries such as a bed or cooker, you are starting with a blank canvas, and can design your own layout. Ideal as overnight accommodation for the mother-in-law, ensuring infrequent short visits.
Alternatively a play room for the kids, dry storage, lightweight trailer, static holiday home, just endless options here, and all for 99p start!
There are of course some minor blemishes, mostly age related, but with some TLC this could be returned to its original splendour, or at least, some of it, at a distance, well maybe.
I must admit we never actually had time to use it for its intended purpose. However, it did sterling service for a period as a respite area for our cockerel ‘Casanova’, where he could spend quality time recovering from bouts of what he did best with our free range
hens, and latterly has proved invaluable as dry storage for all those things you hang on to but never actually use.
I shall be sad to see it go, but my partner thinks it unsightly (she has never experienced the joys of caravanning!).
If you want any more information, please E mail.
Please view if you don’t believe the pictures, I am on the Norfolk / Suffolk border, just S/E of Norwich.
This is a private sale of an old caravan, but from past experience I must document the conditions of sale:
Bids accepted from anybody.
The winning bidder must buy the item.
PayPal payment required before you change your mind.
Collection within 7 days please.
Happy bidding!
Q: Dear phil, I am a full time fairground ride operator with a slight limp. Will the caravan be ok for me to live in? Is it dry and warm. As we tour all year and at the moment I am sleeping under the dodgems. Regards Tony
26-Mar-11
A: How wonderful! I was rather hoping the caravan might be purchased by a professional user. It only needs some chrome embellishments on the sides and a table lamp with a lace shade in the window and it is ready to go.
It is dry and warm and will be a great improvement on your current accommodation, and I am sure will be beneficial in the relief of your medical condition.
Q: will it easily convert into a chicken coupe?
25-Mar-11
A: No conversion required, just chuck in some shavings and straw, add some chickens, open a window during the day so they can get out, and away you go. The added advantage is that you can take them to the seaside on holiday in the summer.
Eggcellant!
Q: oh my days!! this is the best ad i have ever read,hillarious! a friend just posted a link to it on her facebook page and im so glad i clicked it! u have just brightened a miserable day. and id just like to say that is one hell of a sweet sweet ride!! hahaha
25-Mar-11
A: It could be yours!
Q: I have checked my piggy bank, I have £1.00 only, but my mum gives me 50p per week, if I bid an won would you take weekly installments?, I can use the £1.00 as a deposit. OOOh,I have 2 tractor egg cups if you would like to take them as part exchange
25-Mar-11
A: Hi Scarlet, Maybe you could get your mum to pay you annually? Offer her a year for £25 and you can join the bidding frenzy.
I must admit I fail to see the use for the tractor egg cups though. Maybe I have just been unlucky, but with all the tractors I have had, not one has ever laid an egg.
Good luck though.
Q: I am writing on behalf of my Mother who does not have the internet. She is a goat farmer in Albania. Would you be able to
deliver to her at cost? Also would you accept payment in goats and / or goats milk? We are looking at housing 3 goats and a small rabbit in the van, would there be enough room?
25-Mar-11
A: Unfortunately eBay has no facility at present to place bids in Goats or litres of milk, and as my Albanian is non-existent, I would have problems communicating with an Albanian goat. Quite frankly, it would seem a nightmare getting back in the country with an illegal alien goat, assuming the goat has no import documentation. I know it is quite easy for eastern Europeans just to hop in a container or hang underneath a UK bound lorry, but getting a goat I am unfamiliar with to do this would be nigh impossible, and there is no way I could expect a goat to manage this task on her own.
So, whilst the offer of payment might at first seem tempting, I find I must require payment in UK sterling.
However, if your Mother came over here with the three goats and some small rope, I am sure we could arrange some way to get the caravan back. She would just need student visa's for the goats, I am sure available on every street corner in Albania.
I have had a look at the van, and if she bought a chair and sat inside the van at the front, with the window open she could herd the goats to pull the caravan. She would have to take some care on the A14, but otherwise it would make a pleasant return journey. Might be an idea to leave the rabbit at home though, I could see potential problems otherwise.
I am sure your Mother and her entourage would find the caravan an eminently suitable habitat once back on Albanian soil.
Please wish your Mother every success in her bidding (in Albanian)
Phil
Q:
Hi Phil, is your caravan roadworthy and legal on the road ea. will it survive the first 200 odd yards (we don't live too far from you) and won't we get pulled over because of any mechanical or electrical faults?
23-Mar-11
A: Yes, I am sure it will be fine, it moves easily and the ball hitch is ok. To be legal you will need to first buy the car with the registration VPY 450S to tow it away with. The good thing about the electrics are that there arn't any, so nothing to cause a fault. Good luck with your bid!
Q: How much warranty is left on it? Can you give me the dimensions for the brick you use in place of the handbrake?
22-Mar-11
A: I think the manufacturers warranty ran out in 1986, but I will offer a guarantee that you will get it out of our gate and onto the road.
It is a British standard brick, imperial size, none of this metric EU rubbish. In fact it has to be imperial as the wheels are English. Hope that helps.........
Q: Never laughed so much in ages........'class'!! I will sort out a loan!
21-Mar-11
A: Look forward to your bid :-)
Q: how much cash
21-Mar-11
A: Will let the auction run, thanks
Duration: 7 days
Start time: 20 Mar, 2011 17:03:23 GMT
Start price: £0.99
Sprite Major 16' Caravan - 99p start - No
Reserve!
Ended: 27 Mar, 2011 18:03:23 BST
Winning bid: £77.00
Item location: Beccles, Suffolk, United Kingdom
Returns: No returns accepted
Item specifics - RVs & Campers
Condition: Used:
Type: Touring Caravan
Make: Sprite Model: Major Axles: 1
This is your chance to bid for our 16’ Sprite Major caravan. Following on from the successful sale of our Sprite Musketeer a couple of years ago, now our other caravan is up for grabs.
This must be the cheapest caravan on eBay!
Given up on an expensive holiday this year?
Hit hard by the recession?
Well now is your chance to bag a bargain.
Forget expensive UK hotels and the hike in air fares with the rising oil prices. With this little beauty you can just hook up to the car and go, the world becomes your oyster.
No need to spend thousands and no need for expensive insurance, as it’s not worth anything. Plus we have never needed to lock it,
as no-ones ever going to steal it.
Problems with car thieves? Hitch lock this little baby to the tow ball of your Porsche Cayenne and never bother taking the keys out of the ignition again, safe in the knowledge it is never going to be stolen.
There are just so many plusses when you think about it.
In these hard economic times it is a rare opportunity where you can treat yourself to a luxury item with zero depreciation. So this is truly an asset you can buy with your head as well as your heart.
Imagine the look of astonishment when fellow caravaners see you turn up on sites with your 99p bargain.
How about an unforgettable surprise treat for your loved one; imagine the look on your kids faces when you tell them it’s yours.
The neighbours will be speechless seeing this little gem parked on your drive.
It is an original single glazed version, but the later model without the troublesome front roof vent.
Finished in brown, white and faded light green, with just a touch of quite fetching green mildew.
This vintage is very rare these days, and is sure to soon become a collector’s item.
Imagine this behind your 80’s Ford Granada, a real yuppie statement.
Having had its interior removed, it provides multi-use opportunities, and is fitted with a middle partition.
The floor is mostly covered in the original brown linoleum, although there is some age related cracking evident.
There is a roof ventilator, and very trendy these days is the privacy film on the rear window.
Of special mention is a very attractive tiled splash back behind where the sink used to be.
The tyres stay inflated and only have age related perishing to the sidewalls, but sadly the gas rack and 12V towing electrics
lead fell off a few years ago.
Most lights are still fitted though, so only a five minute job to get them going again. A special security feature is the detached jockey wheel handle. The handbrake is suffering some rust, but I will include the brick we use as a wheel chock in the
sale. Some surface rust on the chassis, but seems basically sound.
Interior is dry, although not without some signs of past damp. The all important awning rail is fitted, and it has the added bonus of still having both original Sprite hubcaps.
This provides many opportunities for the new owner, and with a starting price of just 99p, with NO RESERVE is not to be missed. Having had its heavy interior removed it can easily be towed by the smallest car. Got a Smart car? Get a smart caravan.
However, should you want to add some luxuries such as a bed or cooker, you are starting with a blank canvas, and can design your own layout. Ideal as overnight accommodation for the mother-in-law, ensuring infrequent short visits.
Alternatively a play room for the kids, dry storage, lightweight trailer, static holiday home, just endless options here, and all for 99p start!
There are of course some minor blemishes, mostly age related, but with some TLC this could be returned to its original splendour, or at least, some of it, at a distance, well maybe.
I must admit we never actually had time to use it for its intended purpose. However, it did sterling service for a period as a respite area for our cockerel ‘Casanova’, where he could spend quality time recovering from bouts of what he did best with our free range
hens, and latterly has proved invaluable as dry storage for all those things you hang on to but never actually use.
I shall be sad to see it go, but my partner thinks it unsightly (she has never experienced the joys of caravanning!).
If you want any more information, please E mail.
Please view if you don’t believe the pictures, I am on the Norfolk / Suffolk border, just S/E of Norwich.
This is a private sale of an old caravan, but from past experience I must document the conditions of sale:
Bids accepted from anybody.
The winning bidder must buy the item.
PayPal payment required before you change your mind.
Collection within 7 days please.
Happy bidding!
Q: Dear phil, I am a full time fairground ride operator with a slight limp. Will the caravan be ok for me to live in? Is it dry and warm. As we tour all year and at the moment I am sleeping under the dodgems. Regards Tony
26-Mar-11
A: How wonderful! I was rather hoping the caravan might be purchased by a professional user. It only needs some chrome embellishments on the sides and a table lamp with a lace shade in the window and it is ready to go.
It is dry and warm and will be a great improvement on your current accommodation, and I am sure will be beneficial in the relief of your medical condition.
Q: will it easily convert into a chicken coupe?
25-Mar-11
A: No conversion required, just chuck in some shavings and straw, add some chickens, open a window during the day so they can get out, and away you go. The added advantage is that you can take them to the seaside on holiday in the summer.
Eggcellant!
Q: oh my days!! this is the best ad i have ever read,hillarious! a friend just posted a link to it on her facebook page and im so glad i clicked it! u have just brightened a miserable day. and id just like to say that is one hell of a sweet sweet ride!! hahaha
25-Mar-11
A: It could be yours!
Q: I have checked my piggy bank, I have £1.00 only, but my mum gives me 50p per week, if I bid an won would you take weekly installments?, I can use the £1.00 as a deposit. OOOh,I have 2 tractor egg cups if you would like to take them as part exchange
25-Mar-11
A: Hi Scarlet, Maybe you could get your mum to pay you annually? Offer her a year for £25 and you can join the bidding frenzy.
I must admit I fail to see the use for the tractor egg cups though. Maybe I have just been unlucky, but with all the tractors I have had, not one has ever laid an egg.
Good luck though.
Q: I am writing on behalf of my Mother who does not have the internet. She is a goat farmer in Albania. Would you be able to
deliver to her at cost? Also would you accept payment in goats and / or goats milk? We are looking at housing 3 goats and a small rabbit in the van, would there be enough room?
25-Mar-11
A: Unfortunately eBay has no facility at present to place bids in Goats or litres of milk, and as my Albanian is non-existent, I would have problems communicating with an Albanian goat. Quite frankly, it would seem a nightmare getting back in the country with an illegal alien goat, assuming the goat has no import documentation. I know it is quite easy for eastern Europeans just to hop in a container or hang underneath a UK bound lorry, but getting a goat I am unfamiliar with to do this would be nigh impossible, and there is no way I could expect a goat to manage this task on her own.
So, whilst the offer of payment might at first seem tempting, I find I must require payment in UK sterling.
However, if your Mother came over here with the three goats and some small rope, I am sure we could arrange some way to get the caravan back. She would just need student visa's for the goats, I am sure available on every street corner in Albania.
I have had a look at the van, and if she bought a chair and sat inside the van at the front, with the window open she could herd the goats to pull the caravan. She would have to take some care on the A14, but otherwise it would make a pleasant return journey. Might be an idea to leave the rabbit at home though, I could see potential problems otherwise.
I am sure your Mother and her entourage would find the caravan an eminently suitable habitat once back on Albanian soil.
Please wish your Mother every success in her bidding (in Albanian)
Phil
Q:
Hi Phil, is your caravan roadworthy and legal on the road ea. will it survive the first 200 odd yards (we don't live too far from you) and won't we get pulled over because of any mechanical or electrical faults?
23-Mar-11
A: Yes, I am sure it will be fine, it moves easily and the ball hitch is ok. To be legal you will need to first buy the car with the registration VPY 450S to tow it away with. The good thing about the electrics are that there arn't any, so nothing to cause a fault. Good luck with your bid!
Q: How much warranty is left on it? Can you give me the dimensions for the brick you use in place of the handbrake?
22-Mar-11
A: I think the manufacturers warranty ran out in 1986, but I will offer a guarantee that you will get it out of our gate and onto the road.
It is a British standard brick, imperial size, none of this metric EU rubbish. In fact it has to be imperial as the wheels are English. Hope that helps.........
Q: Never laughed so much in ages........'class'!! I will sort out a loan!
21-Mar-11
A: Look forward to your bid :-)
Q: how much cash
21-Mar-11
A: Will let the auction run, thanks
Nissan Micra Listing
Nissan Micra Actual eBay Listing
(See, there are other totally mad people about, as well as me)
Well what have we here? Something to keep the lawnmower in? Well actually that might not be a bad idea: I’ve seen sheds in B&Q for well over £400, and when the auction ends, this might just end up a damn sight cheaper. And it has 3 doors instead of one, you won’t need to buy a padlock, it won’t need creosoting every year, and if you get bored of it, you can always drive it to a new corner of your garden.
Actually I think I am being rather unfair to this little blue nail . Lets get back to Ebay speak.
What you are bidding on here is a 1989 Nissan Micra GS, blah blah. I think GS stands for Goes Slowly, but I’m not quite sure. And I was once told that Nissan stands for Normally In Some Scrapyard, Always Nackered.
Please don’t email me telling me that I am dyslexic, because I know you spell Knackered with a K. But then it would be a Nissak, and that wouldn’t really be funny.
Anyway back to the car. I have had the dubious distinction of knowing this car from brand new, when my pal Crispy Duck’s
Auntie Claire bought it from our local Datsun dealership many moons ago. It went into receivership not long after. Auntie Claire accumulated around 60000 miles in the car, wearing a little shallow groove in the road from her house to the local shop and the hairdressers in the process. When it was time for her to give up driving (some would argue that she should have given up driving the day she passed her test) it passed into the hands of Crispy, who decided to use it to commute in for no other reason other than the fact that the radio picks up Test Match Special on Radio 4.
Now what happened next is a bit of a blur to be honest. I still can’t pinpoint it, but old Crispy seems to be in possession of some form of automotive Rohypnol, whereby I end up going to the pub with him, and inexplicably after only a couple of pints of mild, I end up having my pants pulled down, my wallet violated, and stagger out of the pub owning the keys and the V5 keys to yet another of one of his old bangers.
The next day I awoke with a headache, feeling a little hazy. Hoping it was some weird dream, I peered out of the window, only to find that our normally clean, orderly drive was being cluttered up by a little blue runter. However, as my hangover cleared, the purchase didn’t actually seem too painful in the cold light of day. In fact it started to make perfect sense.
Soon after, the little car was pressed into active service as a perfect way of annoying the hell out of all of our neighbours, most of whom actually think that since they have all lived on our road since 1908, they have a god given right to park their sparkling clean sensible middle class biddy mobiles in our parking spot. If the little Micra’s appearance raised so much as a tut from at least 3 separate neighbours, then for us at least, it was worth double the purchase price alone.
There were other uses. When we built our fence, the little car kept our Blue Circle cement dry. And the little ginger kid down the road became East Cheshire’s hide and seek champion after realising that we never bother to lock it, and the boot became a winning hiding place.
But all good things must come to an end. After the car had served it’s purpose, and the neighbours had lost interest in tutting any
further, we decided to do the sensible thing and send it to the scrappie. The ginger kid cried a bit, arguing tearfully that hide and seek was the only thing he was good at and if he lost his credibility then sure fire hardcore bullying would result.
We took no notice.
And yet, even though the jaws of the crusher seemed the obvious answer, something had started to niggle me. This little car just seemed a bit to good to scrap. What got to me was that, despite being left out in the cold and never driven or started in weeks, as soon as the key was turned, the motor sprang into life like an eager puppy, ticking over like a swiss watch.
When Crispy owned the car, the MOT man had shaken his head, fearing that any moment, Crispy would be doing his impression of Fred Flintstone, although being a little on the rotund side, this was probably no surprise.
So don’t ask me why but we took it upon ourselves to save the little car. We removed the bags of cement, hoovered out the remnants of Crispy’s scruffy mutt’s dog hairs (and a few ginger ones) from the boot, scrubbed the paint, polished the seats, and phoned a bloke called Bernard who, after a fair bit of sweating, did some welding to the sills to satisfy the MOT man. While he was there, he also undersealed the car with black stuff that looks like it came from Deidre Barlow’s lung. We fitted a nice new
battery, then booked it for an MOT, and after an anxious wait akin to waiting for my disastrous GCSE results many years ago, Derek the MOT man produced the golden MOT ticket. Hooray!
Now fully legal, I decided to take it for a test drive, I arranged some life insurance cover, said my goodbyes to my fiancee and the
cat, and crept out gingerly onto the main road. Unbelievably, it drove in a straight line, stopped in a straight line, made no rattles, noises or squeaks, every single thing still worked, and all of a sudden, it all started to make sense.
This is an old, yet still dependable car that just does the job with the minimum of fuss or frill. Unlike your new BMW, you can dump it on the kerb right outside the door of the pub, and not care. And when you return the next day with a hangover to find that someone has chucked the remains their donner kebab on the bonnet, you laugh.
It is small, like old small cars used to be, making modern Smarts and Toyota IQ’s seem lardy and cumbersome in comparison, which means you can park in any space you like.
The auto box makes it a breeze to drive. There is no power steering to go wrong. The windows move by turning a handle, which means that as well as being one less thing to go wrong, you can keep fit at the same time. It’s great on petrol. The ‘lights on’ buzzer makes an amusing noise. And, most importantly of all, you can pick up Test Match Special on Radio 4.
So there we have it. A rattling good motor, with a full MOT, that’s a bit retro, and potentially has many years life left in it yet..
We will be letting the auction run it’s course, so there is no need to ask what is the Buy It Now offers. And the reserve is quite low too, but again there is no need to ask.
In fact don’t bother asking any daft questions, as you may end up facing public ridicule.
Good luck. You'll need it.
Questions and answers about this item
Q: What a great listing - I`ve tagged it on my Facebook page in the hope that my son who`s a strapping 6ft 2" rugby player will read it.
Oh, and he`s also GINGER and he LOVES to tackle bullies! Good Luck with your car.
A: Funnily enough I work with a strapping 6'2 ginger rugby player. Hopefully he won't read this, and hopefully your lad won't win this auction, otherwise I'm getting my head kicked in. Twice.
Q: hi there, is the rear view mirror still in place, the reason i ask. many years ago i would have sold a lot of these fine machines as
a car trader. and because the valve stem oil seals always give up they blew a lot of smoke hence the removal off the mirror, as you drove off into the sunset from me you could not see me coughing and choking on the smoke. nor could you see the lovely trail you left behind, oh no i am giving away the secrets of the car trade.
A: I did remove it, but only to prevent a nasty accident occuring in the event of a little ginger head popping up from behind the back seat whilst driving.
Q: Well ello olly, I don't really want your silly little car, I already have a young and sparkling Jaguar. The trouble is I also own a
decrepit and beaten up old wife. The body has gone to pot, there is a problem with the suspension, there is a worrying leak and you can't hear the test match because she rattles on so much. Therefore my question is would you take the sparkling Jaguar and the decrepit wife in a straight swap for the Micra and your young and sparkling fiancé? Her mother would not be part of the deal but I
will happily throw in the wife's mother if that will clinch the deal.
Jim
A: Well nowadays, going oriental seems to be a very innovative way of curing that high pitched whine that seems to be an inherent
trait amongst both British cars and British women. Unfortunately I won't be able to hold up my end of the deal, as she is still with her mother. But have a bid on the Micra, and try some of those gentlemans oriental websites to see if they offer any of those part exchange schemes. You might get a couple of grand in scrappage for her.
Q: Hi Are you participating in the government scrappage scheme ?. I have a very large shed a Renault master hitop van ,Renault standing for Rusty european nogood absolute loada trash . I have owned it for over a year ,it has an MOT ,it is taxed (only for about five days ) .I think this is compliant with the schemes requiremnts . the only thing is that the car you are selling is not a new one .I think we can get over that small detail as my brother in law has ginger hair although balding . So if I win the auction for
say £600 ? this means you get the Renault master and I get the micra and a cheque for £1400 . Thanks Regards Keith
A: Sounds like a completely hairbrained scheme dreamed up by an overpaid dribbling halfwit with about as much of a grasp on reality as that Kate Jordan bint. Are you a government official by any chance?
Q: Dear Mr 755, seeing your advertisement reminded me of my ex wife’s Y plate Nissan Micra that I bought her for £258. It came in Rust red, had acceleration akin to your average tectonic plate and a radio that produced 2 watts of complete distortion on full bore. Prior to that she had an Allegro which she swore blind was the safest car ever built because as she put it - if you go round a corner and the wheel drops off, Allegroes. However, I digress.
My question is, could you give me a price for postage to Willenhall, near Paul’s chip shop on the square? Many thanks Geoff
A: You bought her an All Aggro, and then a Nissan Micra?? No wonder she's now your ex wife.
Q: after reading your description i'm tempted to make an offer even though i dont want or need a car
A: I didn't want or need a car either until I went to the pub with Crispy. So bid away.
Q: May the Good Lord have mercy on my soul. I just Googled "rusty bullet" and have been corrupted. If I win this auction, and yes, I
really would like to own the Micra; would collection of the vehicle under cover of darkness be acceptable to yourself? I'd not be worried about driving the 140ish miles home, but what if someone saw me in the car? I'd surely die a virgin. :-( John.
A: I see you are a serious punter John. Have you not been well recently? Anyway I think a cunning disguise would be better: if you won the car and turned up at my house dressed as Al Jolson and carrying a banjo, then I would gladly pay for your petrol home and buy you a Ginsters pasty of your choice from the filling station.
Q: Its a lovely car no doubt and the best advert Ive read on Ebay since tea time but my issue lays with the ginger kid. You mention that he may now get bullied as he has lost his brilliant hiding place. Does he already have a bully? If not, would you be willing to divulge his address so I can arrange a bully? God I hate gingers. Thank you, Adz.
A: Well I was actually intending to describe the Micra as "Beaten, like a ginger stepchild". But I didn't think I would get away with
it.
Q: Dear Sir, STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL I am Lady Maryam Abacha, wife of late General Sani Abacha, Ex-military Head of states of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who died on 8th June 1998 of heart problems. l contacted you because of my need to deal with persons whom my family and l have had no previous personal relationships. Since the death of my husband, my family had
been subjected to all sorts of harassment's and intimidation with lots of negative reports emanating from the government and the press about my husband.
The present government has also ensured that our bank accounts are frozen and all assets seized. It is in view of this that I seek your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of the sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars only) being the very last of my family fund in my possession and control. An earlier attempt in the physical movement of the sum of US$47,000,000.00 was to no avail as the money was confiscated and my International passport impound
A: Wow!! Really?? My account number is 21345779; sort code: 16-29-87, bank name: Royal Bank of **** Off.
Q: Your idiotic description of your car only shows what a prat you are.
A: Mum, it's way past your bedtime. I'll call you in the morning love.
Q: Can you leave it unlocked for the ginger kid one last time? And does he have a pretty mouth?
A: Just. Plain. Wierd.
Q: Nice ride. What's she rolling on? 13's?
A: Sorry I don't understand a word you are saying, you must be from America, right?
Q: I need something for teaching little ginger kids how to shoot air rifles. I also need to store my air rifles in a locked container thanks to some silly bint in power. Anyway, I assume the three doors all lock? Can I use your neighbors ornament to put the car in for shooting at if I win the auction. The only problem is there may be four or five gingers in your neighbors garden and I may
set the thing on fire, but I suppose burning it is a communal service. Thank you.
A: Christ. You're not Charles Manson bidding on your mum and dad's account are you?
Q: Are you licensed to offer Finance on this vehicle? The reason I ask is, I can see it going for some serious money. If only for the
fact it can later be sold on as having once been owned by a well known writer. Like that bloke who wrote Harry Potter
A: I'm not bloody DFS. Still you have a point: if that Rowling fella can make himself a packet from writing fantasy rubbish, then
there's a chance. The Micra could be on Antiques Roadshow in a year or two, and I could get to meet Fiona Bruce's leather pants.
Q: Hi Olly - love the ad. Are you that guy that sings on the telly, because if you are, I may be tempted?! x
A: Well I've just asked a 12 year old, and I think you are comparing me to some pubescent teen warbler. Who lost. I'm far better looking, and probably more comparable to the other Olly, who did sing a bit, but mainly on 80's chat shows before gulping large quantities of vodka and orange from a jug and falling over.
Q: Blimey, after that write-up I'm even considering bidding to buy the old girl back myself! Especially since it's nearly summer and my new car's stereo doesn't do Long Wave!
A: Crispy! You mean to say you actually want it back now? Are you on solvents?
Q: Cool car - The Ginger Stowaway model was always my favourite. Its a pity someone has modified it during it's lifetime with the
blingbling alloys and chavvy blue body-kit with matching phat exhaust (I phink that's how you spell phat? Oh phuck knows!), otherwised Id've been interested.
Good luck with the sale though mate :-)
A: Aaah, so THAT what GS means. Are you saying that it is actually a blinged up version? Does that mean it's worth more?
Q:
Hello OLLY! You are soooo funny tagged this in facebook. To disprove your theory on the pub parking and kebab throwing my 1989 micra auto got nicked outside a pub while I was working at the hospital 3 weeks ago!
still not got the little love back yet..............wait a minute that blue looks freshly sprayed and Nissan would'nt spray a car that s**t. R U sure your not a secret micra car theif. I'm calling the cops!!!!!! But seriously does this car function I'm pining for my reliable old friend. It needs to travel 100 miles a day commute to Sheffield and back is this blue banger up to the job. Regards Amanada
A: Oh dear Amanda, sorry to hear about that. What were they thinking? No seriously, what were they? They must be pretty rubbish thieves: I bet they got laughed off the estate when they turned up in a Micra. Sorry but I didn't half-inch your nice little car: I have had to put up with the embarrasment and constant ridicule of owning just this one. Personally I wouldn't bet against this car doing 100 miles a day without any problem whatsoever, although the odds shorten considerably if it was on a trailer. Just
remember that Nissans are reliable, whereas Maseratis are not.
Q: Hi. What is the silver paint around the rear arches for?
Thanks.
A: It's some really good rust preventer called Rusty Bullet. When I told my wife-to-be that I had been looking at Rusty Bullet on the
internet, she confiscated the laptop, called the police, and went to stay with her mother.
Q: If I win the auction, do I have to take the car away?
Thanks
A: Please god yes. But feel free to abandon it down the road on our neighbour's ornamental rockery.
Q: i am dyslexic and it may of toke me 30mins and part watching american hotrod to read your listing but what a laugh. good luck with it, oh and i work for a shed company we might be able to sale it for you lol.
A: You watch American Hotrod, and then go on to look at Nissak Micras on Ebay? Maybe I'm missing a trick here. Actually I do need a roll of felt and some tacks, maybe we could do a straight swap?
Q: Hello Olly755, I am looking for a micra for my grandson but where you live is a bit to far for me to travel so I will not bid on it.
The reason I am contacting you is this must be the best ever description given for an item listed on E bay. I do not know what you do for a living but you should give it up and become an author learn something about the Masons and give Dan brown a run for his money you could even say that there is a hidden symbol of a Nissan Micra on Da Vince's last supper painting. Regards Noah
A: Dear me, you must really hate your grandson. Do the decent thing and buy him a decent car. You can't take it with you.
Q: Hi there, Interesting listing. Apologies but I just can't easily pick out the info I need. How many miles has it done? What are the
tyres like? Any oil leaks? Kind regards John
A: Hi John. Very sensible questions sir, I'm glad someone is taking this seriously. I think it has done around 63000 miles. The tyres are black, round, there are 4 of them, and you even get another one in the boot.
They are in very good condition- Derek the MOT man didn't grumble once. And it hasn't piddled any oil on my drive at all in 7 months. Hope this helps.
Q: hi mate,dont wanna buy your car but can i call on you when i have some sand i want to sell to the arabs as you just seem to know the right words to talk people into buying something they dont really want or need.regards...
A: هتاف ميت. لا تتردد في اعطاء لي مكالمة بأسرع ما كنت ع استعداد ، وسأكون سعيدا لإلزام ، Cheers, Olly
Q: Well done with the listing, this must be the best laugh on eBay I've had in years. Hope you manage to sell the micra. Good
luck
A: You wouldn't be laughing if you owned it. Cheers, Olly
Q: I have always dreamed of owning a Nissan Micra from 1989. What colour is yours?
A: It's red with pink spots and blue triangles. It just looks blue in the photographs.
Q: Hi I dont need a micra, in fact I have my own, left to me when an uncle died. But......if I did, I would have to buy yours even though I do not like autos. Its the best chuckle I had for a while, rather like my K11 which is giving me as much enjoyemnt as my first mini countryman bought 31 years ago. Good luck with the sale. Nigel
A: Hi Knobbly Nigel. Thanks for the free Micra testamonial, your £5 note is in the post. Are you sure you don't need another Nissan in your life?
(See, there are other totally mad people about, as well as me)
Well what have we here? Something to keep the lawnmower in? Well actually that might not be a bad idea: I’ve seen sheds in B&Q for well over £400, and when the auction ends, this might just end up a damn sight cheaper. And it has 3 doors instead of one, you won’t need to buy a padlock, it won’t need creosoting every year, and if you get bored of it, you can always drive it to a new corner of your garden.
Actually I think I am being rather unfair to this little blue nail . Lets get back to Ebay speak.
What you are bidding on here is a 1989 Nissan Micra GS, blah blah. I think GS stands for Goes Slowly, but I’m not quite sure. And I was once told that Nissan stands for Normally In Some Scrapyard, Always Nackered.
Please don’t email me telling me that I am dyslexic, because I know you spell Knackered with a K. But then it would be a Nissak, and that wouldn’t really be funny.
Anyway back to the car. I have had the dubious distinction of knowing this car from brand new, when my pal Crispy Duck’s
Auntie Claire bought it from our local Datsun dealership many moons ago. It went into receivership not long after. Auntie Claire accumulated around 60000 miles in the car, wearing a little shallow groove in the road from her house to the local shop and the hairdressers in the process. When it was time for her to give up driving (some would argue that she should have given up driving the day she passed her test) it passed into the hands of Crispy, who decided to use it to commute in for no other reason other than the fact that the radio picks up Test Match Special on Radio 4.
Now what happened next is a bit of a blur to be honest. I still can’t pinpoint it, but old Crispy seems to be in possession of some form of automotive Rohypnol, whereby I end up going to the pub with him, and inexplicably after only a couple of pints of mild, I end up having my pants pulled down, my wallet violated, and stagger out of the pub owning the keys and the V5 keys to yet another of one of his old bangers.
The next day I awoke with a headache, feeling a little hazy. Hoping it was some weird dream, I peered out of the window, only to find that our normally clean, orderly drive was being cluttered up by a little blue runter. However, as my hangover cleared, the purchase didn’t actually seem too painful in the cold light of day. In fact it started to make perfect sense.
Soon after, the little car was pressed into active service as a perfect way of annoying the hell out of all of our neighbours, most of whom actually think that since they have all lived on our road since 1908, they have a god given right to park their sparkling clean sensible middle class biddy mobiles in our parking spot. If the little Micra’s appearance raised so much as a tut from at least 3 separate neighbours, then for us at least, it was worth double the purchase price alone.
There were other uses. When we built our fence, the little car kept our Blue Circle cement dry. And the little ginger kid down the road became East Cheshire’s hide and seek champion after realising that we never bother to lock it, and the boot became a winning hiding place.
But all good things must come to an end. After the car had served it’s purpose, and the neighbours had lost interest in tutting any
further, we decided to do the sensible thing and send it to the scrappie. The ginger kid cried a bit, arguing tearfully that hide and seek was the only thing he was good at and if he lost his credibility then sure fire hardcore bullying would result.
We took no notice.
And yet, even though the jaws of the crusher seemed the obvious answer, something had started to niggle me. This little car just seemed a bit to good to scrap. What got to me was that, despite being left out in the cold and never driven or started in weeks, as soon as the key was turned, the motor sprang into life like an eager puppy, ticking over like a swiss watch.
When Crispy owned the car, the MOT man had shaken his head, fearing that any moment, Crispy would be doing his impression of Fred Flintstone, although being a little on the rotund side, this was probably no surprise.
So don’t ask me why but we took it upon ourselves to save the little car. We removed the bags of cement, hoovered out the remnants of Crispy’s scruffy mutt’s dog hairs (and a few ginger ones) from the boot, scrubbed the paint, polished the seats, and phoned a bloke called Bernard who, after a fair bit of sweating, did some welding to the sills to satisfy the MOT man. While he was there, he also undersealed the car with black stuff that looks like it came from Deidre Barlow’s lung. We fitted a nice new
battery, then booked it for an MOT, and after an anxious wait akin to waiting for my disastrous GCSE results many years ago, Derek the MOT man produced the golden MOT ticket. Hooray!
Now fully legal, I decided to take it for a test drive, I arranged some life insurance cover, said my goodbyes to my fiancee and the
cat, and crept out gingerly onto the main road. Unbelievably, it drove in a straight line, stopped in a straight line, made no rattles, noises or squeaks, every single thing still worked, and all of a sudden, it all started to make sense.
This is an old, yet still dependable car that just does the job with the minimum of fuss or frill. Unlike your new BMW, you can dump it on the kerb right outside the door of the pub, and not care. And when you return the next day with a hangover to find that someone has chucked the remains their donner kebab on the bonnet, you laugh.
It is small, like old small cars used to be, making modern Smarts and Toyota IQ’s seem lardy and cumbersome in comparison, which means you can park in any space you like.
The auto box makes it a breeze to drive. There is no power steering to go wrong. The windows move by turning a handle, which means that as well as being one less thing to go wrong, you can keep fit at the same time. It’s great on petrol. The ‘lights on’ buzzer makes an amusing noise. And, most importantly of all, you can pick up Test Match Special on Radio 4.
So there we have it. A rattling good motor, with a full MOT, that’s a bit retro, and potentially has many years life left in it yet..
We will be letting the auction run it’s course, so there is no need to ask what is the Buy It Now offers. And the reserve is quite low too, but again there is no need to ask.
In fact don’t bother asking any daft questions, as you may end up facing public ridicule.
Good luck. You'll need it.
Questions and answers about this item
Q: What a great listing - I`ve tagged it on my Facebook page in the hope that my son who`s a strapping 6ft 2" rugby player will read it.
Oh, and he`s also GINGER and he LOVES to tackle bullies! Good Luck with your car.
A: Funnily enough I work with a strapping 6'2 ginger rugby player. Hopefully he won't read this, and hopefully your lad won't win this auction, otherwise I'm getting my head kicked in. Twice.
Q: hi there, is the rear view mirror still in place, the reason i ask. many years ago i would have sold a lot of these fine machines as
a car trader. and because the valve stem oil seals always give up they blew a lot of smoke hence the removal off the mirror, as you drove off into the sunset from me you could not see me coughing and choking on the smoke. nor could you see the lovely trail you left behind, oh no i am giving away the secrets of the car trade.
A: I did remove it, but only to prevent a nasty accident occuring in the event of a little ginger head popping up from behind the back seat whilst driving.
Q: Well ello olly, I don't really want your silly little car, I already have a young and sparkling Jaguar. The trouble is I also own a
decrepit and beaten up old wife. The body has gone to pot, there is a problem with the suspension, there is a worrying leak and you can't hear the test match because she rattles on so much. Therefore my question is would you take the sparkling Jaguar and the decrepit wife in a straight swap for the Micra and your young and sparkling fiancé? Her mother would not be part of the deal but I
will happily throw in the wife's mother if that will clinch the deal.
Jim
A: Well nowadays, going oriental seems to be a very innovative way of curing that high pitched whine that seems to be an inherent
trait amongst both British cars and British women. Unfortunately I won't be able to hold up my end of the deal, as she is still with her mother. But have a bid on the Micra, and try some of those gentlemans oriental websites to see if they offer any of those part exchange schemes. You might get a couple of grand in scrappage for her.
Q: Hi Are you participating in the government scrappage scheme ?. I have a very large shed a Renault master hitop van ,Renault standing for Rusty european nogood absolute loada trash . I have owned it for over a year ,it has an MOT ,it is taxed (only for about five days ) .I think this is compliant with the schemes requiremnts . the only thing is that the car you are selling is not a new one .I think we can get over that small detail as my brother in law has ginger hair although balding . So if I win the auction for
say £600 ? this means you get the Renault master and I get the micra and a cheque for £1400 . Thanks Regards Keith
A: Sounds like a completely hairbrained scheme dreamed up by an overpaid dribbling halfwit with about as much of a grasp on reality as that Kate Jordan bint. Are you a government official by any chance?
Q: Dear Mr 755, seeing your advertisement reminded me of my ex wife’s Y plate Nissan Micra that I bought her for £258. It came in Rust red, had acceleration akin to your average tectonic plate and a radio that produced 2 watts of complete distortion on full bore. Prior to that she had an Allegro which she swore blind was the safest car ever built because as she put it - if you go round a corner and the wheel drops off, Allegroes. However, I digress.
My question is, could you give me a price for postage to Willenhall, near Paul’s chip shop on the square? Many thanks Geoff
A: You bought her an All Aggro, and then a Nissan Micra?? No wonder she's now your ex wife.
Q: after reading your description i'm tempted to make an offer even though i dont want or need a car
A: I didn't want or need a car either until I went to the pub with Crispy. So bid away.
Q: May the Good Lord have mercy on my soul. I just Googled "rusty bullet" and have been corrupted. If I win this auction, and yes, I
really would like to own the Micra; would collection of the vehicle under cover of darkness be acceptable to yourself? I'd not be worried about driving the 140ish miles home, but what if someone saw me in the car? I'd surely die a virgin. :-( John.
A: I see you are a serious punter John. Have you not been well recently? Anyway I think a cunning disguise would be better: if you won the car and turned up at my house dressed as Al Jolson and carrying a banjo, then I would gladly pay for your petrol home and buy you a Ginsters pasty of your choice from the filling station.
Q: Its a lovely car no doubt and the best advert Ive read on Ebay since tea time but my issue lays with the ginger kid. You mention that he may now get bullied as he has lost his brilliant hiding place. Does he already have a bully? If not, would you be willing to divulge his address so I can arrange a bully? God I hate gingers. Thank you, Adz.
A: Well I was actually intending to describe the Micra as "Beaten, like a ginger stepchild". But I didn't think I would get away with
it.
Q: Dear Sir, STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL I am Lady Maryam Abacha, wife of late General Sani Abacha, Ex-military Head of states of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who died on 8th June 1998 of heart problems. l contacted you because of my need to deal with persons whom my family and l have had no previous personal relationships. Since the death of my husband, my family had
been subjected to all sorts of harassment's and intimidation with lots of negative reports emanating from the government and the press about my husband.
The present government has also ensured that our bank accounts are frozen and all assets seized. It is in view of this that I seek your cooperation and assistance in the transfer of the sum of US$30,000,000.00 (Thirty Million United States Dollars only) being the very last of my family fund in my possession and control. An earlier attempt in the physical movement of the sum of US$47,000,000.00 was to no avail as the money was confiscated and my International passport impound
A: Wow!! Really?? My account number is 21345779; sort code: 16-29-87, bank name: Royal Bank of **** Off.
Q: Your idiotic description of your car only shows what a prat you are.
A: Mum, it's way past your bedtime. I'll call you in the morning love.
Q: Can you leave it unlocked for the ginger kid one last time? And does he have a pretty mouth?
A: Just. Plain. Wierd.
Q: Nice ride. What's she rolling on? 13's?
A: Sorry I don't understand a word you are saying, you must be from America, right?
Q: I need something for teaching little ginger kids how to shoot air rifles. I also need to store my air rifles in a locked container thanks to some silly bint in power. Anyway, I assume the three doors all lock? Can I use your neighbors ornament to put the car in for shooting at if I win the auction. The only problem is there may be four or five gingers in your neighbors garden and I may
set the thing on fire, but I suppose burning it is a communal service. Thank you.
A: Christ. You're not Charles Manson bidding on your mum and dad's account are you?
Q: Are you licensed to offer Finance on this vehicle? The reason I ask is, I can see it going for some serious money. If only for the
fact it can later be sold on as having once been owned by a well known writer. Like that bloke who wrote Harry Potter
A: I'm not bloody DFS. Still you have a point: if that Rowling fella can make himself a packet from writing fantasy rubbish, then
there's a chance. The Micra could be on Antiques Roadshow in a year or two, and I could get to meet Fiona Bruce's leather pants.
Q: Hi Olly - love the ad. Are you that guy that sings on the telly, because if you are, I may be tempted?! x
A: Well I've just asked a 12 year old, and I think you are comparing me to some pubescent teen warbler. Who lost. I'm far better looking, and probably more comparable to the other Olly, who did sing a bit, but mainly on 80's chat shows before gulping large quantities of vodka and orange from a jug and falling over.
Q: Blimey, after that write-up I'm even considering bidding to buy the old girl back myself! Especially since it's nearly summer and my new car's stereo doesn't do Long Wave!
A: Crispy! You mean to say you actually want it back now? Are you on solvents?
Q: Cool car - The Ginger Stowaway model was always my favourite. Its a pity someone has modified it during it's lifetime with the
blingbling alloys and chavvy blue body-kit with matching phat exhaust (I phink that's how you spell phat? Oh phuck knows!), otherwised Id've been interested.
Good luck with the sale though mate :-)
A: Aaah, so THAT what GS means. Are you saying that it is actually a blinged up version? Does that mean it's worth more?
Q:
Hello OLLY! You are soooo funny tagged this in facebook. To disprove your theory on the pub parking and kebab throwing my 1989 micra auto got nicked outside a pub while I was working at the hospital 3 weeks ago!
still not got the little love back yet..............wait a minute that blue looks freshly sprayed and Nissan would'nt spray a car that s**t. R U sure your not a secret micra car theif. I'm calling the cops!!!!!! But seriously does this car function I'm pining for my reliable old friend. It needs to travel 100 miles a day commute to Sheffield and back is this blue banger up to the job. Regards Amanada
A: Oh dear Amanda, sorry to hear about that. What were they thinking? No seriously, what were they? They must be pretty rubbish thieves: I bet they got laughed off the estate when they turned up in a Micra. Sorry but I didn't half-inch your nice little car: I have had to put up with the embarrasment and constant ridicule of owning just this one. Personally I wouldn't bet against this car doing 100 miles a day without any problem whatsoever, although the odds shorten considerably if it was on a trailer. Just
remember that Nissans are reliable, whereas Maseratis are not.
Q: Hi. What is the silver paint around the rear arches for?
Thanks.
A: It's some really good rust preventer called Rusty Bullet. When I told my wife-to-be that I had been looking at Rusty Bullet on the
internet, she confiscated the laptop, called the police, and went to stay with her mother.
Q: If I win the auction, do I have to take the car away?
Thanks
A: Please god yes. But feel free to abandon it down the road on our neighbour's ornamental rockery.
Q: i am dyslexic and it may of toke me 30mins and part watching american hotrod to read your listing but what a laugh. good luck with it, oh and i work for a shed company we might be able to sale it for you lol.
A: You watch American Hotrod, and then go on to look at Nissak Micras on Ebay? Maybe I'm missing a trick here. Actually I do need a roll of felt and some tacks, maybe we could do a straight swap?
Q: Hello Olly755, I am looking for a micra for my grandson but where you live is a bit to far for me to travel so I will not bid on it.
The reason I am contacting you is this must be the best ever description given for an item listed on E bay. I do not know what you do for a living but you should give it up and become an author learn something about the Masons and give Dan brown a run for his money you could even say that there is a hidden symbol of a Nissan Micra on Da Vince's last supper painting. Regards Noah
A: Dear me, you must really hate your grandson. Do the decent thing and buy him a decent car. You can't take it with you.
Q: Hi there, Interesting listing. Apologies but I just can't easily pick out the info I need. How many miles has it done? What are the
tyres like? Any oil leaks? Kind regards John
A: Hi John. Very sensible questions sir, I'm glad someone is taking this seriously. I think it has done around 63000 miles. The tyres are black, round, there are 4 of them, and you even get another one in the boot.
They are in very good condition- Derek the MOT man didn't grumble once. And it hasn't piddled any oil on my drive at all in 7 months. Hope this helps.
Q: hi mate,dont wanna buy your car but can i call on you when i have some sand i want to sell to the arabs as you just seem to know the right words to talk people into buying something they dont really want or need.regards...
A: هتاف ميت. لا تتردد في اعطاء لي مكالمة بأسرع ما كنت ع استعداد ، وسأكون سعيدا لإلزام ، Cheers, Olly
Q: Well done with the listing, this must be the best laugh on eBay I've had in years. Hope you manage to sell the micra. Good
luck
A: You wouldn't be laughing if you owned it. Cheers, Olly
Q: I have always dreamed of owning a Nissan Micra from 1989. What colour is yours?
A: It's red with pink spots and blue triangles. It just looks blue in the photographs.
Q: Hi I dont need a micra, in fact I have my own, left to me when an uncle died. But......if I did, I would have to buy yours even though I do not like autos. Its the best chuckle I had for a while, rather like my K11 which is giving me as much enjoyemnt as my first mini countryman bought 31 years ago. Good luck with the sale. Nigel
A: Hi Knobbly Nigel. Thanks for the free Micra testamonial, your £5 note is in the post. Are you sure you don't need another Nissan in your life?